Ending & Beginnings - A Personal Note
Less than four months ago some decisions were made in my life that turned things upside down for me. Everything as I knew it was changing. My then fiancé and I decided to call off our wedding and end our 8-year relationship. Out of respect for our process, I decided to hold off on writing about the topic until now.
Despite best efforts and high hopes sometimes we need to be honest with ourselves even when things don’t seem that bad. I’ve been incredibly grateful for how we both have handled such a hard decision that’s caused sadness, grief, and a slew of emotions.
Though it’s been hard, there’s been more thriving for us both.
I don’t share this for sympathy; I share this because these are sometimes the decisions we need to make to live our most aligned life. On paper, everything looked great. Nothing was awful. We care for and love each other a lot. Neither of us did anything wrong. Sometimes though, we hold onto something that is no longer meant for us. Whether it’s out of stubbornness, caring what others think, or thinking we ‘should’ be somewhere at this particular time in our lives, it can steal our joy and our ability to make aligned choices.
I knew that after the decision had been made, that me moving was around the corner, and not knowing what was next left me with a choice. I could see this as a ‘poor me’ situation, or I could see it as a great gift. A chance to listen more deeply to my intuition and to follow it without questioning it too much but to trust this new process and the good it had in store for me.
I chose the latter. It doesn’t mean I don’t have moments of sadness and doubt and wanting to slip into the role of feeling bad for myself, but I catch it quickly and then set myself up to be supported. I have leaned heavily on friends, family, and my coaches and I have listened to that internal intuitive voice that continues to get louder for me.
The first bit of guidance I received from my intuition was to travel. So I looked for anyopportunity to either get in my car and go for a weekend trip or to get on a plane and see what new experiences I’m being led to. If you’ve been following along lately, you know that I was traveling for a month along the west coast and so much came from that that I’ve barely had the chance to digest it fully. But after my travels, I feel called to pack up and move out west again. In July I’ll be spending two months in Portland, and then on to Los Angeles for four weeks. I will most likely land in Portland after that as I’m feeling called to be there.
During this whole transition, I’ve become more clear on the work that I’m doing and who I’m able to serve best. The path I support others on in the coaching/healing work I do is one of alignment and fully finding themselves, their voice and their vision. I’m super committed to my path as a teacher, guide, coach, and healer and I know that I can only take others to places that I have first gone. It feels incongruent to me to ask others to make aligned choices when I’m not walking my own talk.
So when we are feeling called to transition, to answer our calling, and to step out of our comfort zones, there are no magic pills to take, unfortunately. We have to turn inwards, be open to possibilities, be honest with ourselves, and from there we experience the inner freedom we are continually searching for externally.
For those in the midst of your own big decisions and lives turned upside down - I see you. I feel you. I’m here for you. You’ve got this. Keep moving forward one step at a time, permit yourself to be okay with all the feels you need to feel but please don’t stop saying yes to yourself.